...as though no-one is watching

Photo: Gigi, album

Visitors to my fally-down house in Brighton are greeted by an assortment of eccentricities, even as they proceed down my little hallway. Among these is a small woodcut that serves as a mission statement from the householder. It's an adaptation of a much-loved verse: often accredited to Mark Twain, one of my favourite authors, it's also been credited to Father Alfred de Souza and William W. Purkey.

A couple of days ago, my friend Coral's angelic but totally precocious four year old daughter Ronnie was pirouetting around in an empty room, only pausing to curtsey to her unseen public. She didn't miss a beat when I asked her why she was dancing: "Because Nobody's watching, Gigi!"
When I was slightly older than Ronnie, I would frequently embarrass my parents by singing all the way along the aisles in Safeway supermarket - for some reason, "Puppet on a String" was a huge favourite - and by shouting "Ding ding! All 'board!" at every stop on the old number 94 buses through Lewisham. Nowadays of course, I wouldn't dream of bursting into a Eurovision classic in the middle of Aldis: but is that really progress?
I'm often told that various aspects of me, from my voice to my clothes to my sense of humour, are childlike and therefore un-befitting someone of my actual years. Until quite recently, I used to be insulted, but now I understand it as something rather precious. I love Mark Twain's verse because it perfectly sums up how I hoped to live my life: not in selfish hedonism or at the expense of others, but with a lack of vanity and an essential feeling of joy and optimism. After another year of whingeing about myself and most people around me, I realise I've fallen far short of that goal again. We generally tend to disregard others' opinions until we question how they're regarding us. I've promised Ronnie that I'll go dancing with her out on The Level park when the weather is warmer, something she'll hold me to with the fluffy tenacity of a four year old. My other resolution for the New Year should surely be to pay more attention to the writings on my own wall.
Lee Ann Womack's song "I Hope You Dance" is a country favourite of mine and a regular number to warble in the shower, only witnessed by Ginger the-cat-from-next-door and God. Apart from that, Nobody. Why does Ginger the cat insist on sitting at my bathroom door when I have a shower? Well, he's a Brighton cat. Maybe he's read Mark Twain.

"I hope you Dance"  Lee Ann Womack (ft. her daughters)

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, 

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger; 

May you never take one single breath for granted, 

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed. 

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean; 

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. 

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, 

I hope you dance" 

Maiden born and made

"All that was mixed and reconciled in Thee 

Of mother's love with maiden purity" 

(from "The Virgin", William Wordsworth)

On 8th December, Christians respect the Solemnity of The Immaculate Conception; one misconception non-Christians may have of this feast day is that it's the celebration of the virgin conception of Christ. The feast is actually a recognition that Mary the Mother of God was born to St Anne in a state of grace, conceived and preserved from original sin: William Wordsworth beautifully depicted Mary as: "Our tainted nature's solitary boast".
While there is no suggestion in scripture that Mary was conceived in anything other than the usual manner, Anne herself is generally described as being childless until her later years: indeed she is Jesus' grandmother. Somewhat overlooked in Christian mythology, Anne, (from the Hebrew "Hannah", meaning "grace"), is also revered in Islam and mentioned in the Qu'ran as Mary's mother and a highly spiritual woman. Islamic legend holds that she prayed for a son after watching a bird nurturing her young. Against all odds, she conceived, bearing a daughter who would be blessed among women; and who would bear and nurture the Son of Man.
The patron saint of housewives and unmarried women: I like St Anne! (She's also the patron saint of grandmothers and women in labour; and, rather more randomly, of cabinet makers and miners...)

"The Immaculate Conception"

A dew-drop of the darkness born,

Wherein no shadow lies;

The blossom of a barren thorn,

Whereof no petal dies;

A rainbow beauty passion-free,

Wherewith was veiled divinity.

(John Banister Tabb)

"The Holly and the Ivy"  Annie Lennox

The Colour Red

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

(Mahatma Gandhi)

Today, I pinned on a small red ribbon with frayed ages and a rusty little safety pin with a great deal of reflection and also some pride, even though I would be spending most of the day at home. I have done this on the same date with the same red ribbon for many years now. 1st December each year has been World AIDS Day since 1988. HIV / AIDS (Human Immunodeficiency Virus infection / Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome) was first clinically observed some years before, in 1981. In 1990, the New York based "Visual AIDS Artists Caucus" created a visual symbol to demonstrate compassion for people living with AIDS and those caring for them. Inspired by the yellow ribbons honouring American soldiers serving in the Gulf war, they chose the colour red for its:"connection to blood and the idea of passion -- not only anger, but love." It may sound trite, even odd if I say that I have a tender spot for AIDS: becoming involved with people affected by, living and dying with AIDS changed my little world and made me a stronger and, I believe, nicer person.
The Terrence Higgins Trust is a UK-based charity that was formed in London in 1982, named after one of the first named people to die from AIDS disease in the UK. It was formed by his partner and friends in an attempt to both personalise and publicise the disease. Many years ago, I was a voluntary carer and fundraiser with THT after my best friend at that time, a gentle and funny gay male nurse named John, took his own life to escape the stigma of what was then a deadly diagnosis. He was 21; he had apparently contracted the virus from his first and only boyfriend.
As a carer, I helped in a donated "safe house" in South London, where shelter, support and eventually palliative care was offered to up to four people at a time living with AIDS; where family was unaware, absent or unsympathetic. Treatment was less effective then and awareness about the condition and it's transmission was tainted by scandal and bigotry. My day-job colleagues didn't want to know exactly what I did in "that house" and my mother and sister couldn't understand why I did it. We fed and bathed, medicated and cleaned, emptied bed-pans. We were there. I drooped after a couple of years and following the deaths of all those I had been helping to look after; many house volunteers had been there longer and were still there when I left. It was at times heart-wrenching and scary; to this day, it remains the best, finest thing I've ever done.
In most parts of the developed world, HIV / AIDS is no longer the graphically painful but rapid death sentence it once was. Yet AIDS  is still a global pandemic: by 2010, around 35 million people had contracted the disease worldwide. Since it's recognition in 1981, more than 32 million men, women and children across the globe have died from what was initially dubbed "a gay plague" by the media. It's estimated that 3.4 million of those currently infected are under fifteen years of age. South Africa presently has the largest population of people living with HIV / AIDS, nearly six million. In sub-Saharan Africa, life expectancy in the worst affected countries has fallen drastically: from 65 to 35 years in Botswana. South East Asia is the second most affected region, estimating at least 4 million cases. Infections in the Middle East and North Africa have risen by more than a third over the past decade, with a notable rise in new infections also recorded in eastern Europe. In the USA and also across the UK, it's believed that a quarter of all those infected are unaware of their status. AIDS is the sixth leading cause of death among men and women aged 25 - 44 in the States. It may take you 10 minutes to read this blog entry; every 10 minutes, someone in the States is infected by the HIV virus.
Many campaign groups say the original stigma associated with HIV / AIDS remains as big a problem as the disease itself. In China, there are reports of  some hospitals turning away people with HIV infections and refusing surgery for patients who test positive for the virus. In vulnerable communities such as Ethiopia and Zambia, reported abuse of people living with HIV / AIDS remains high. Nearly half of all countries do not have laws in place that protect people living with the virus from discrimination. The AIDS Healthcare Foundation in Nigeria admits that anti-AIDS bigotry is still rife in a country where the disease is a taboo, commonly seen as a death sentence as "punishment". It is a fact that there is still no cure for AIDS: it is always fatal without treatment.
In the States, most patients who survive many years after diagnosis do so because of the availability of a combination of highly active antiretroviral therapy (HAART). The antiretrovirals suppress the replication of the virus in the body, allowing the helper blood cells precious time to rebuild the immune system. As a suppressant rather than a cure, HAART has been very effective for the past decade. However, the virus can become resistant to any one combination of HAART medications at any time, although genetic tests are largely available to determine whether an HIV strain is resistant to a particular drug. New medicines are still being developed to treat HAART resistant HIV. And treatment with HAART as a collection of different medications has it's own collection of complications and side effects: diarrhea, nausea, sickness and general weakness. When used over an extended period of time, these medications also increase the risk of heart attack. Of course, people responding to antiretroviral treatment can still pass on the virus through sex or shared needles; to date, there is still no vaccine against HIV. Ultimately, prevention truly is the only cure at this time.
In 2011, the United Nations signed the Political Declaration on HIV/AIDS, as a strategy to achieve universal access to HIV prevention, treatment, and care by 2015. The document marks an historic milestone on the road-map to the beginning of the end of AIDS. We need to reach 15 million people living with HIV with antiretroviral treatment by 2015: this has to be achievable; HAART therapy has already saved an estimated 14 million life years in low and middle income countries. However, around 7 million people known to be eligible for this treatment are still unable to access it. Recognised foreign aid has traditionally been the major source of funding to fight the epidemic worldwide, but for the first time in history, the UN has reported significant domestic investments by lower income countries to address their own HIV / AIDS situations. Each World Aids Day should be a time of remembrance but also of celebration of any progress and acceleration of response in recent years. We have to believe that ending this epidemic is as feasible as it is certainly affordable. 

Progressive medications can help the human body to heal and maybe even protect itself from this virus, but we also need to eliminate the enduring stigma and discrimination against people living with and affected by the disease. Fear and ignorance continue to undermine efforts to provide services to prevent, diagnose, and treat HIV/AIDS. Current restrictions on the entry, stay, and residence of people living with HIV in many countries lack scientific basis and are often relics of the media-fueled terror dating from early in the epidemic. This is a virus, a disease; as essentially associated with blood as anemia, sickle cell and leukemia, as identifiable with "behaviours" as diabetes, lung cancer and heart disease. It's been repeated endlessly over the past decades that the virus itself is a stranger to discrimination or preference. Personally, I can vividly recall pushing a beautiful but visibly fragile young man in a wheelchair to local shops only to find that ordinary people with their children in tow and shopping in hand felt moved to spit at both of us and wish him a speedier death. I pray this no longer happens on the streets of south London; I extend my prayers to the other corners of our world where such distortion of the human spirit is a daily occurrence.

*For John C, Campbell, Carl, Eddie, Hayden, James and Paolo and the others I  was privileged to have known for that short while*

"AIDS occupies such a large part in our awareness because of what it has been taken to represent. It seems the very model of all the catastrophes privileged populations feel await them."

(Susan Sontag)

"The global HIV/AIDS epidemic is an unprecedented crisis that requires an unprecedented response. In particular it requires solidarity -- between the healthy and the sick, between rich and poor, and above all, between richer and poorer nations. We have 30 million orphans already. How many more do we have to get, to wake up?"

(Kofi Annan)

www.worldaidsday.org

www.tht.org.uk 

www.avert.org/children.htm 

www.one.org 

susshivchap@gmail.com

"One"  U2

"We're one, but we're not the same;
We get to carry each other
Carry each other"
(Paul Hewson / Bono)

"Sacred Heart"

"The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart."

(Benjamin Franklin)

Sacred Heart

Like a tiny bird that dares not sing

for fear of exquisite song,

so I'm afeared to love

lest you should see my perfect heart.

And as the world outside me turns,

as sorrows drown and bridges burn,

I am a precious, songless, flightless bird

on a perch you call Serenity:

nesting in hardy evergreen;

it is the tree of Hermitude.

                                                                         Gigi

"I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart."

(Pope John XXIII)

King

"And in the days of those kings the God of Heaven will set up a kingdom that shall never be destroyed"

(Daniel 2:44)

The Solemnity of Christ the King was established as a feast day by Pope Pius XI in 1925, as an antidote to the extremities of secularism. The intention was to proclaim Christ's royalty over individuals, society, governments, and nations. The feast also marks the end of the church year as the last holy Sunday in the west's liturgical calendar. As well as Roman Catholics, the day is observed by many Anglicans, Methodists and Presbyterians and the Russian Orthodox Church. It's necessarily a moveable feast, always falling between 20th and 26th November: the new church year begins on the first Sunday of Advent, no earlier than 27th. Today is the feast of Christ the King, 2012.
Regal titles are bestowed on Christ throughout the Scriptures: King of Israel, King of the Jews, the King Eternal, the King of Kings. Pope Pius wanted to remind Christians that ultimate allegiance is due to a spiritual ruler in heaven, rather than to any earthly supremacy. We live in an age dripping with hollow honours, "reality TV" celebrities, quangos and unquantifiable qualifications. I admit to voting in the recent local polls to elect a Police Commissioner only because my socialist background seems to compel me to use my vote in any election; seemingly only one of only a few hundred people in Brighton to do so. If you asked me right now to list the line of succession to the British throne beyond Charles and William, I would have to put down my cuppa and think about it for some time.

We currently "boast" a coalition government, clamping together two camps of voters who traditionally have little in common. Across the Atlantic pond, the newly re-elected president will have to sit down with a houseful of representatives who wanted The Other Guy to get in. Around the globe, armies, politicians and monarchs endlessly shape-shift into dictators and genociders. As blue-collar icon Bruce Springsteen, himself rather ironically referred to as "The Boss", observed about men and power: "Poor men want to to be rich, rich men want to be king; a king's not satisfied till he rules everything."

Privilege and power often lend themselves to corruption, but you and I and all the other common or garden folk are also fiercely ruled in other ways; by our fears and addictions, our debts and desires. It feels very credible as well as comforting to celebrate a king as a liberator, an advocate and a saviour; who finds a way into this world in a manger, on a donkey and through the breaking of a loaf of bread.

"Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creation of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him."

(Napoleon Bonaparte)

"I am within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, and all the navies that ever were built, and all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as has that One Solitary Life."

(James C. Hefley)

"I am an historian, I am not a believer, but I must confess as historian that this penniless preacher from Nazareth is irrevocably the very centre of history. Jesus Christ is easily the most dominant figure in all history."

(H.G. Wells)

 "How Great Thou Art"  Eddi Reader

NOW you tell me...?

My thanks to Leigh and JR for yet more Easy to Follow Instructions and insights...

 

"What's So Funny 'bout Peace, Love and Understanding?"  Elvis Costello

Provenance and Providence

Guestling Woods, East Sussex

 "Thanksgiving has wings and goes where it must go. Your prayer knows much more about it than you do."

(Victor Hugo) 

American writer and pastor Henry Van Dyke noted:"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse." A couple of days ago, on Thursday 22nd November, the United States of America and some other parts of the world celebrated Thanksgiving Day. This day has been an annual holiday in the United States since 1863, traditionally on the fourth Thursday in November; my friends in Canada give Thanks on the second Monday in October. 

Many people trace the origins of the modern Thanksgiving Day to the Pilgrim Fathers' harvest celebrations in Plymouth, Massachusetts, in 1621. However, their first true "thanksgiving" was probably in 1623, when they celebrated the downpour that ended a long drought. The earliest Thanksgiving Day celebrations were actually special church services rather than the extended family feasts of today. Later in the 1600s, annual public displays of thanksgiving after harvesting became more common, held on different days across various states: George Washington, the first president of the United States, proclaimed the first national Thanksgiving Day in 1789. In truth, not everyone sees Thanksgiving Day as a cause for celebration: American Indian Heritage Day is also observed around the same time, and recent years have seen Native Americans and their supporters staging protests in Plymouth on Thanksgiving Day, as part of their National Day of Mourning. 

"Oh Lord, that lends me life, lend me a heart replete with thankfulness! "

(Shakespeare's Henry VI)

Thanksgiving has historical roots in religious traditions, but is now generally celebrated in a more secular manner. Prayers of gratitude and special thanksgiving ceremonies have been common to nearly all religions and cultures after harvests and at times of deliverance. The modern celebration still holds aspects of a harvest festival, even though the harvest in New England occurs earlier than late November when the holiday is celebrated now. The history of Thanksgiving in North America is heavily rooted in English traditions dating from the Protestant Reformation. Reforms in 1536 reduced the vast number of church holidays ("holy days") down to twenty seven a year; some Puritans wanted to completely eliminate all church holidays, even Christmas and Easter. The holidays would be replaced by Days of Fasting and Days of Thanksgiving, in response to natural and national events that the Puritans viewed as acts of providence. Days of Fasting were called on account of drought, flooding and plague. A Day of Thanksgiving was called following the victory over the Spanish Armada in 1588; and an annual Day of Thanksgiving began in 1606 following the failure of the Gunpowder Plot, evolving into Guy Fawkes Day and Bonfire Night.

Photo: Gigi, album

"We give You thanks 

for the fruits of the earth in their season 

and for the labours of those who harvest them."

(from The Book of Common Prayer)

I've always loved the idea of the Thanksgiving celebrations and wish that something was made of the day in these islands. Much as I look forward to Christmas and fully embrace both the reverence and the sentimentality, I don't like the commercialism that starts way back in October. The tinsel trees were in stock along the High Street this year before the pear tree in my back garden had even thought about turning or shedding her own leaves. Aside from the traditional feasting, the emphasis at Thanksgiving is gathering with family and friends. Thanksgiving is the busiest time of the year for travel in the States, with people covering long distances by car, train and plane to spend time with loved ones; to be "home". Presence, rather than presents. 
The traditional feast is a slap-up one, featuring personal favourites of mine such as sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, pecan and pumpkin pies. Regrettably for me, a turkey will usually feature heavily (literally) in the menu. Today's stuffing and mashed potatoes may be a distant call from the harvest baskets of the Pilgrims, but many families still encourage guests to bring fruit and homemade tit-bits along. Even if you don't arrive with a couple of bottles of white or a six-pack of light, everyone can still bring something to the table: themselves.

Thanksgiving is also seen as a natural time to help others: canned food drives and food and night shelters are traditionally inundated with volunteers and donations. Each year, the US President "pardons" a White House turkey, delivering it from the dinner platter to the rest of it's natural life lived out on farmland. How wondrous would it be if every year each nation or culture could fully pardon one grudge, one breach, possibly one perceived natural enmity? 

When I was at school, a wonderful, obviously aged but somehow ageless nun called Sister Columba told me what to do if I was too tired to say prayers at the end of the day. She told me it would be just enough to say Thank You that I am still around to say it. Over the years, my own commuted prayer in times of weariness and often thankfulness has simply been "Thank You for loving me", which seems to me to be what Thanksgiving is all about.

"Hard Times Come Again No More"  Paolo Nutini (with The Chieftains)

"Thanksgiving"

"For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night, 

For health and food,

For love and friends, 

For everything Thy goodness sends."

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Please read the Babel...

 

 

 

 

 

"For the shadow that watches me work"

I tend to get a lot of "chain" or "viral" emails but this is one email that arrived, entitled "One of the nicest emails ever", which I actively wanted to pass on as widely as possible. Closely preceding the celebrations for Thanksgiving across the big pond, this is an email that reads like a poem, feels like a wish and heals like a prayer. 
And to JR for originally sending this to me - Thank you!


 "I AM THANKFUL: 
 FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, 
 BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
 FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO,
 BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS. 
 FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES, 
 BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS. 
 FOR THE TAXES I PAY,
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED. 
 FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY, 
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
 FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG,
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. 
 FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK 
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE. 
 FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING 
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
 FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT,
 BECAUSE WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. 
 FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT,
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING.
 FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL,
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.
 FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY,
 BECAUSE I CAN HEAR HER. 
 FOR WEARINESS AT THE END OF THE DAY,
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I'VE BEEN EMPLOYED.  
 FOR THE ALARM THAT JOLTS ME IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS,
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I'M STILL ALIVE. 
 AND FOR FAR TOO MANY E-MAILS
 BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT ME."

"Thank You"  Alanis Morissette

"Thank you providence,

thank you disillusionment,

thank you nothingness,

thank you clarity,

thank you thank you silence"

The force of Nature

"Men argue; Nature acts."

(Voltaire)

New York last night, with the Liberty Tower still valiantly illuminated.

After bleating on about my own Internet speeds (or lack of), how sobering to see the lights go out around the "City That Never Sleeps": I find these pictures of a blackened out New York and a Brooklyn underwater both extraordinary and chilling. 

The force of nature, undeniably awesome, is also relentless and unstoppable: and totally dismissive of even the buzziest and most up-tempo cities on earth. The race to capture or hold onto the US presidency is swept to one side and Manhattan's financial stronghold is swamped and shuttered in the wake of a so-called "superstorm", incongruously named Sandy."First world"countries can sometimes seem complacent when natural disasters recur in areas that appear socially unprepared and geographically vulnerable: does it feel more uncomfortable to see the prosperous modern fortresses brought to standstill and beyond?
Hundreds of thousands of people were evacuated from low-lying areas along the US eastern seaboard; an estimated eight million people are without power. Fifty deaths have now been confirmed across nine states and Canada.
I have friends in the United States and Canada; I pray that they and any of their loved ones who may be on the eastern coasts are safe and sound; I include also the treasured readers of this little blog from both countries. God bless x

Brooklyn after Sandy hit.

"Let us resolve that we will not leave our children a world where the oceans rise and famine spreads and terrible storms devastate our lands."

(Barack Obama)